I Can Solve Philip Morris' PR Problem

Philip Morris International, Inc

120 Park Ave.

New York, NY 10017

 Dear Philip,

 I heard you had to shut down your #IQOSambassador social media campaign because your Influencers were too young. Such a bummer. They were, like, really hot, and I’m sure the teens you wanted to reach thought so too.

 I know this must be a stressful time for the people at PMI but I am here to help. Now that you can’t have flawless young party people as Influencers, you can have me.

 I am prepared to offer these compelling personal attributes:

- I have many dozens of followers on Instagrams and the FaceBook.

- I am literally twice as old as that Russian girl who got you in trouble.

- Real people can’t relate to 10s. I’m like a six, six and a half, ergo, a natural Influencer. 

- I lead an active lifestyle that consists of dressing up in very tight clothes and riding around on a bicycle about twice every three weeks.

- I own several photo filter apps, including Huji, which curates a trendy not-trying-too-hard vibe that the kids are into [note: strike that last bit about kids].

- I am already basically an Influencer. Just the other day my friend Justin ordered the mushroom omelet I recommended while we were at brunch.

I don’t know much about “heated tobacco,” so I’ll need your talking points on how the research into all the harmful chemicals in “heated tobacco” products is, like, totally fake news.

Of course, an Influencer package this good doesn’t come cheap. But I’m sure I’ll be cheaper than that mountain of legal bills you have after almost two centuries of getting children hooked on your products. 

Regards,

Spencer Canon

spencer@superotter.com